I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It was like giving head to a cactus.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
