I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
