Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
