its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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