all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
