smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
