Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
