he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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