I am puke
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
