I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
