why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
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