Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
