My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
