im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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