Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
