Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
