I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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