I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
