Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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