I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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