If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
