Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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