The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
