Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
