Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
