he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
