I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
