i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
