No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
