my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
