Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
