Texts From Last Night · JackGoff's Favorites

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JackGoff's Favorites Texts:

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(817): View more from Texas

You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go

Fav 15 5653 1769
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(319): View more from Iowa

On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?

(316): View more from Kansas

Toaster

Fav 48 26746 2046
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.

Fav 19 1630 4848
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(613): View more from Ontario

oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt

Fav 35 3757 7144
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(425): View more from Washington

It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."

Fav 44 17661 1751
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(801): View more from Utah

I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.

Fav 28 11495 1765
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.

Fav 46 4652 2139
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(847): View more from Illinois

Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.

Fav 7 6161 1042
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