Texts From Last Night · confettibasket's Favorites

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confettibasket's Favorites Texts:

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(518): View more from New York

Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.

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(627): View more from California

The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.

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(813): View more from Florida

People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?

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(631): View more from New York

I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.

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(727): View more from Florida

Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.

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(301): View more from Maryland

I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.

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