Texts From Last Night · sophiehxc's Favorites

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sophiehxc's Favorites Texts:

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(714): View more from California

we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet

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(815): View more from Illinois

I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance

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(727): View more from Florida

I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

professor came back from spring break missing a tooth

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(415): View more from California

When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"

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(302): View more from Delaware

Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.

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(228): View more from Mississippi

There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars

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(954): View more from Florida

malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away

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(336): View more from North Carolina

okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.

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(630): View more from Illinois

i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.

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(917): View more from New York City

Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.

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(917): View more from New York City

You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged

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(702): View more from Nevada

Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME

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(303): View more from Colorado

I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day

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(407): View more from Florida

Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.

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(630): View more from Illinois

I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness

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(281): View more from Texas

and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.

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(407): View more from Florida

Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off

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(602): View more from Arizona

It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass

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(208): View more from Idaho

I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people

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(609): View more from New Jersey

At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.

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(239): View more from Florida

gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.

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(720): View more from Colorado

It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.

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(714): View more from California

I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born

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(440): View more from Ohio

The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.

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(845): View more from New York

I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting

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(651): View more from Minnesota

okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.

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(251): View more from Alabama

I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party

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(661): View more from California

Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.

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(216): View more from Ohio

This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.

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(303): View more from Colorado

dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.

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(205): View more from Alabama

he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...

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(847): View more from Illinois

i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

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(416): View more from Toronto

Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.

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(785): View more from Kansas

Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites

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(415): View more from California

I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?

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(207): View more from Maine

I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet

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(517): View more from Michigan

I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...

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(859): View more from Kentucky

did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"

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(360): View more from Washington

I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too

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(631): View more from New York

I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed

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(304): View more from West Virginia

You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up

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(925): View more from California

I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.

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(812): View more from Indiana

Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.

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(678): View more from Georgia

Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night

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(773): View more from Illinois

I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...

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(712): View more from Iowa

Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer

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(305): View more from Florida

i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.

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(512): View more from Texas

i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?

(1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911

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(919): View more from North Carolina

so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

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(541): View more from Oregon

You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.

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(662): View more from Mississippi

Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.

(901): View more from Tennessee

BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that

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(813): View more from Florida

Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.

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(917): View more from New York City

i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities

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(310): View more from California

i fucked a milf yesterday.

(619): View more from California

i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water

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(310): View more from California

dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore

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(208): View more from Idaho

I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.

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(818): View more from California

Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia

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(256): View more from Alabama

she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.

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(703): View more from Virginia

A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?

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(949): View more from California

Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up

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(303): View more from Colorado

If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...

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(507): View more from Minnesota

Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins

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(614): View more from Ohio

Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.

(904): View more from Florida

FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift

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(818): View more from California

my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.

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(713): View more from Texas

when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree

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(865): View more from Tennessee

Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?

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(575): View more from New Mexico

The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?

(917): View more from New York City

what kind of party is this?

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

the best kind ever

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(303): View more from Colorado

We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.

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(903): View more from Texas

I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes

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(954): View more from Florida

My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?

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(928): View more from Arizona

Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".

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(864): View more from South Carolina

So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"

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(410): View more from Maryland

so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero

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(541): View more from Oregon

So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward

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(516): View more from New York

im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.

(508): View more from Massachusetts

i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

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(519): View more from Ontario

and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

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(408): View more from California

she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room

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(310): View more from California

Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies

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(612): View more from Minnesota

how drunk are you?

(952): View more from Minnesota

What does that even mean anymore?

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(913): View more from Kansas

hows the party?

(816): View more from Missouri

ists fjcssing insceredle

(913): View more from Kansas

be there in 10

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(260): View more from Indiana

Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five

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(615): View more from Tennessee

I'm watching ellen!

(1-615): View more from Tennessee

just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show

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(972): View more from Texas

I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I feel like abortions should bother me more

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(623): View more from Arizona

So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.

(715): View more from Wisconsin

We should party with her soon

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party

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(540): View more from Virginia

I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.

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(904): View more from Florida

bring the vodka.

(1-904): View more from Florida

i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?

(904): View more from Florida

we are.

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(641): View more from Iowa

since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.

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sophiehxc's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

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