god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
