Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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