Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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