I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
