omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
