Did you just see the Batmobile???
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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