the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
