For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
