zippers are such a cool invention
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
