Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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