it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
