just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
