How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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