someone owes me an orgasm
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
