I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
