'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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