My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Randomize
